So the only place I left in the cyberworld is here. No twitter, no Facebook. Trying to avoid something in fact someone. This feeling sucks. Checking my phone non-stop hoping that he will text or call. But nope, deep in my heart I know he won’t do this kind of things. C told me what type of guy I want and I think she is a mind reader, she know what I want, what I wanna do. On the day itself i told her I don’t know what to do, I’m so lost. She read my mind and told me lots of things that I wanted to do but can’t. Holding on is too painful so why not let it go? Both of us wanted different things in life. C said my love language is time, I need someone who is willing to accompanying me and willing to stay up with me when I have things to do. Somebody who will tell me eveything is fine after every single quarrels, somebody who will meet me the very next day after quarrels. Maybe he is angry, maybe he give up on me already. We are both tired physically and mentally. If only we did not love each other in first place. Things won’t turn out like this. Shits won’t happened. I’m not a good gf, not a good friend. I rely a lot on people and I don’t deserve anybody in life. Life sucks and it’s tough. So tough and I’m so lost right now. I don’t know what to do. I wanna text him but I’m afraid. Afraid of the truth, afaid of the words he use. Afraid of being alone again. Memories are the worst thing I had now. Sorry C, I love you so fucking much but im really lost and I don’t know what to do anymore. I know you tired, you are sick of all those shits I gave you. I’m sorry.